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Posted July 6, Reviewed by Matt Huston. A woman's choice to cheat is both daring and desperate. A desperate plea for help and a daring catalyst for change in her marriage or her own self, the affair is serious stuff. Not just fun. Debra, a stay-at-home mom, seems to have it all. But does she? Actually, home sweet home is not so sweet. Humdrum days — food shopping, cooking, cleaning and carting her kids around — go on and on. She feels trapped, boredpowerless, and lonely. Along comes an attentive, sexy admirer and bingo! A devoted loving mother and wife, Ruth has carved out a successful and glamorous career.

In a perfect world, she would have the best of both worlds — a career and motherhood. In our less-than-perfect world, she does not. He does not help nor does he understand her desires or needs. Her co-worker Larry does.

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Mary desires committed love in marriage, security, children and comfort, all that good stuff. A little like her mom, but not exactly. Mary desires more from her marriage. Along with love, she longs for lust, romance, excitement, and passionate sex in her marriage. Sociopolitical history, pop culture, and family history entwine and strangle her strivings. Unshackling from her corseted past, Mary breathes freely. To her surprise, she sees clearly that her husband is not doing it for her.

She finds a sensitive, sexy, secret lover who promises all. Try as they may, wives are often unable to reach their husbands.

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Feeling stifled, unfulfilled, frustrated, and helpless in their marriages, they step outside of their marriages. Taking the step is in itself empowering. The affair is a daring, active choice, not a more-of-the-same passive response. What about the children?

People often stay in unsatisfactory marriages for the sake of the children. It is a fallacy. Parents in miserable marriages only make for miserable children. The legacies for these children are blighted models of marital relationships, and unfulfilled, powerless mothers.

The affair, while not necessarily the most prudent choice, is nevertheless an act of empowerment. A common myth is that the affair is about sex. It is not. For the most part, sex was better at home before romance eroded. Screaming fights or silent simmering hostility erode romance and extinguish the flames of passion.

Chances are that problems in your sex life are not about the quality, but the quantity. Fighting to the death or suffering in silence kills sexual desire for most wives. What do wives want? I have found that wives want mutuality, equal-power relationships, and recognition from their husbands. Devotion, love, and commitment without passionate sex, fun, and excitement is Secret lovers girl seeking steak without the sizzle.

For wives to feel sexy, they need the sizzle. Frances Cohen Praver, Ph. Frances Cohen Praver Ph. Love Doc. About the Author. Online: My websiteTwitter. Read Next. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Personality Passive Aggression Personality Shyness. Family Life Child Development Parenting.

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