No Expectations Really

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Posted December 29, Reviewed by Matt Huston. You take sole responsibility for your decisions. I push myself to make my sales figures because it is part of my being a good worker or because I like the challenge. This is about me running my life, doing what I consider important. You separate your wants from shoulds. Shoulds are expectations imposed by others. When we fail to do them we feel guilty.

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When we do follow them we often expect a payoff for our efforts. When the expected payoff doesn't come, our disappointment and resentment are fueled. A way out of this mental dance is focusing on wants. Values, core beliefs, the foundation of our integrity.

Expectations are a red flag that shoulds are the probable drivers. You avoid becoming a martyr. All this disappointment and resentment can congeal into martyrdom, that lethal combination of domineering shoulds and unfulfilled expectations that drag on: I do everything I should.

I expect people to appreciate, reward, etc. I trudge on and on and on. Eventually, martyrs either collapse from exhaustion or get fed up by the unfairness of it all — get massively resentful, get massively depressedmassively act out shopping, raging, drinking, etc.

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You live in the present. Expectations forever push you to look ahead, mentally entrap you in the future. Be proactive. Listen to yourself.

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Whatever decision you make, own it. Push aside the shoulds, the mental rush towards the outcome, the response of others, the future. Stay in the moment, see your decision right now as your decision, as the best decision you can make in the moment. Bob Taibbi, L. He is the author of 11 books and over articles and provides training nationally and internationally. Robert Taibbi L. Fixing Families.

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About the Author. Online: My Website. Read Next. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Personality Passive Aggression Personality Shyness. Family Life Child Development Parenting. View Help Index. Do I Need Help? Back Magazine. July Who Is the True You? Back Today. Essential Re.

No Expectations Really

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